Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
