Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
