I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
