Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He felt like a one man threesome
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
