Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
