We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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