i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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