How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
