So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
