Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
