I met the friendliest cop last night
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
