He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize