I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
