If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
