it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
two words...techno handjob
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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