hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
