YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
