I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
