kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
