i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I puked a lego.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
