it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
