break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i already hear my dad disowning me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
