According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
