I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
