Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
