I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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