apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
