You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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