Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
