Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
