Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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