girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
