woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
