seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
