woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
