His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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