i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
