I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
