If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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