wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
