I am in a vortex of obligation.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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