he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
