HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
