Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
