I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ugly people sure do ruin things
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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