Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
