I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
