Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Everclear isn't food dammit
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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