Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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