you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
