two words...techno handjob
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
