Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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