How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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