we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
