I'm eating all of the evidence.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
