ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
