bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
