maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
